Comments on: What do you think of this?

By: Pecos Bill

Pecos Bill — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 02:04:07 +0000

Very well written for 13, almost 14. The story has been done but remains popular with practically all teenage girls. All stories have been done, there are no new ones. It is the personality of the author that makes a story new. Tell your cousin to continue with the story and once it is complete to do a rewrite. Once she starts that the text will be easier for her to tweak and make better because she won’t be as ‘close’ to the beginning of it by then. Little things like:

“Gaston didn’t appear to bother by the silence,”

Should be: “Gaston didn’t appear to be bothered by the silence.”

There are more minor typo’s like that in the chapter. Tell her to try reading it aloud to herself.

Also I would like to say that a French driver working for an American in England is not that difficult to accept.

Adding to what another responder said, it would be better if she could show more action than she describes. As the book continues Lexi should have flashbacks more than just memories, although I don’t believe she had overdone it so far in this chapter if she continues doing what she’s doing it would get old really quick and likely turn readers off.

By: mystery(mysty)

mystery(mysty) — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 17:51:55 +0000

AWESOME!it’s a really good start and i so want to read it.there is another book similar to this but i forgot wat it’s called.just reading wat I’ve written is filling my mind with questions like:
is alexis average looking or beautiful?
did kara only become Friends with her because her mom is is a fashion model.
ethan is obviously hot but does he have a nice personality?
does she grow to love her mother?

i hope one day ur dreams become reality and this book is published( because that’s my dream). i would defiantly take my time and read it

By: Jess

Jess — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 07:45:54 +0000

It’s great for a kid nearly 14, I swear I couldn’t write something as interesting.
There is one thing I don’t understand is that the chauffeur has a French Accent but then the setting is in England. I think if you change the setting it would make a bit more sense.
The storyline is kinda obvious, but I still think it is a good effort for a young person.
Keep up the work

By: BreakinDAWN

BreakinDAWN — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:13:15 +0000

Thta lil piece up there sounding like sumthen of the baq of a book,which isz really good becusz for the story I’m writing I dont even have a purpose for it hahah
Antiwaysz it soundsz like a VERY good story and I wud def. read it and buy it!!
Tell yur cuszin to keep on going with her story and tell her I wud love to her more if she finishsz{nalaiajonas@yahoo.com}

XOXO
GOD BLEZ

By: Johnny

Johnny — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 00:00:24 +0000

its been done before

By: BeautyBlitz

BeautyBlitz — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 19:34:42 +0000

The writing itself isn’t that bad, it could use more showing and less telling, but the plot is entirely too cliche. New girl in school hangs out with most popular girl in school. New girl messes up and popular girl makes sure she pays dearly.

It’s overdone. Sorry.

Then you should have been more specific about what you wanted to know. You said “What do you think of this?” Besides which, you included the plot afterward. If you only wanted to know about the writing, don’t include the plot as well.