Last one for today, are you glad lol?

1…This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.
The mortician asked, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing?” “No,” she insists as she hands him a check to buy one. “It must be a blue suit.”
When she comes back for the wake, the woman sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.
He says, “Actually, it didn’t cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her . . . So I switched the heads.”

#2….There was a Irishman, Mexican, and a blond guy, who were construction workers and they were working on top of a building. It was lunch time and the Irsh man opens his lunch pail and he gets cabbage and beef and he says, “If I get one more beef and cabage for lunch I’m gonna jump off of this building.”

Then the Mexican opens his lunch pail and he gets a burrito, he says if I get one more burrito for lunch I’m gonna jump off this building. The blond man opens his lunch pale and gets a bologna sandwhich he siad if I get one more bologna sandwhich I’m goona jump off of this building.

The next day the Irish man opens his lunch pail and finds cabage and beef so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the Mexican opens hid lunch pail and finds a burrito so he jumps off the building to his death. Then the blond guy opens his lunch pale and finds a bologna sandwhich, so he jumps off to his death as well.

The next day at their funeral the Irish man’s wife said, ”Bagorrah, only if I would have known that he didn’t like cabbage and beef I would have packed him something else.” Then the Mexican’s wife then said, ”If I only knew he didn’t like burritos, I would have packed something else. ”Finally, the blonde man’s wife said ” I don’t know what his problem was; he packed his own lunch.”

#3…When the end of the world comes, everybody on earth goes to heaven.
God comes and says, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for
the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for
the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women
to go with St. Peter.”
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone
and there are two lines.
The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles
long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was
only one man.
God became angry and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the
only one in this line?”
And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”

PS..Do what I do to scare trick or treater’s away, I have a 11 X 17 picture of the ex on the door….She used to work at the airport sniffing luggage!