Quote:
Eyes closed on the plane as it sluggishly approached the landing spot.

Unquote

Whose eyes closed? Certainly not the planes, they don’t have eyes. The people watching it? Perhaps this way: Eyes closed in on the plane… etc…

Get someone to read this for you and ask them to be honest with you. Paying you lip service because they’re afraid to hurt your feelings is not doing your writing any favors.

One thing I would do prior to showing it to anyone. The only other thing I see is that there is a bit of a lull in your story. The plane, getting the bags, getting off, etc… A bit too much of this and not enough of what the story is actually about.

You see, when you send your story to be looked at by an agent, editor or publisher, they are going to want to see probably the first three chapters. If there is nothing going on and it doesn’t hit them a certain way, then you get rejected.

Try to add something else that would want the readers to keep turning the pages.

Nice job. Consider this an honest opinion from a published author.

I wish you well.