Comments on: Do you think im a good author? please comment. and be HONEST?

By: Katrinax

Katrinax — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:00:16 +0000

Ok, well you defintaly have the promise to be a writer one day. But you need to not be so direct. For exmaple your writing kind of reminds me of this. He walked to the store. He had blond hair. He bought a snack.

The thing is you don’t want to read a novel like that you want to almost believe that you are a part of the novel not a bystander.

“”I can’t believe we get to stay there, it feels like a dream. A dream that I hope never ends!” Sam said. He had short blond hair. His eyes were light blue with a tint of green. He was wearing black jeans and a black shirt with a small ACDC sign on the front with white wings on the back.

A better way to word this paragraph so it had more depth would be.

“I can’t believe we get to stay here.” Sam gasped, his sky blue eyes darting around taking everything in. “Like a dream I never want to end.” Sam said while ruffling about his short blond hair. He had on his usual uniform a pair of black jeans with a band tee; the band for today acdc.

I really hope that helps! The story line seems really good. I just high suggest rewriting some of those paragraphs so that they entice the reader more. Good luck!

By: obidane

obidane — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 06:30:06 +0000

I think the writing could use some work. The simplest way to fix it would be not to use “was” and “were” so much. Try to rework the sentences so you use stronger, more interesting verbs.
Like, instead of saying “There was a tall thin man with a sign that said “Abigail Willow.” That was my last name. My full name was Abigail Genevieve Willow.” You could say: “A tall, thin man waited with a sign that read ‘Abigail Willow’: my name.” You don’t really need to tell us the full name, or you could just do it later. The information seems awkward here.
But yeah, stuff like that, only throughout the whole thing.

I like how you caught us completely by surprise with the crash, but I don’t think you need “All of a sudden.”

By: Geoff M

Geoff M — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:13:08 +0000

Great effort Keep going you have some talent there Don’t let any one discourage you. Forget about the spelling and pincushion that can be corrected later I would no go into so much description of things like the Mr Cummin’s clothes. Also drop the word -get -use a more descriptive word . Good luck and keep going

By: DRAMA Q

DRAMA Q — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:25:58 +0000

It was good. Some of the decriptive parts are good but dont over do it. i dont really get the castle scene though. if you choose to make the castle scene your opening then the next part should talk about before the accident. you also give too much info in the opening and your readers will get bored. Make your readers more interested by starting at the airport scene and going back in time before the accident. good story though

By: TEAM EDWARD!!

TEAM EDWARD!! — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 16:32:17 +0000

woa woa slow it down a bit, ur cramming a lot into the very very beginning! let us get to know the characters a bit more before going into all the excitment and the plot. and maybe try and make the beginning a bit more attention grabbing but you do have some really good potential, ur style is very unique and really good!

By: ashjade21

ashjade21 — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 10:04:47 +0000

ok thats a great story. im one who eather doesnt enjoy a book or cant stop reading it. and i no straight away when i like a book because my mined gets lost in it. i wasnt even up to the second sentence when i felt like i was in the story, next to them in the plain, following them to get there lugage, and getting in the car with them. fantastic, i loved it. yu should finish it with like a survival sceen and find a site where you enter and win!!!!.
you colud be a great auther one day good luck for the future.

ash.

By: laury

laury — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 21:22:52 +0000

you definetly have talent form a teenagers point of view…and this is just the beginning if it was a book i can imagine all the things it could have: romance, mystery, humor…its good keep writting =]

By: Andrew M

Andrew M — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 04:17:51 +0000

The important thing is how YOU feel about it. You’ve put some work in this. Was it worth the effort? Do you feel good about it? Did you have fun? Does it make you feel good to write stories like this? Don’t get too caught up in what other people think or your creativity will go into the toilet. Keep writing and perfect your craft.

By: grr....no!

grr....no! — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:57:48 +0000

seems like a great story, i think you have a time setting situation about two times in the whole thing.

just minor things like punctuation..

other than that, you’d make a great author..

i would definatley read/buy your book

By: Join the Black Magic club......

Join the Black Magic club...... — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 17:11:55 +0000

Well, here “Sam said. He had short blond hair. His eyes were light blue with a tint of green. He was wearing black jeans and a black shirt with a small ACDC sign on the front with white wings on the back.”
Don’t describe his shirt so much. Instead talk about his personality or something..
I like the cliff-hanger at the end of the excerpt though.